Sunday, April 2, 2017

How to not lose yourself in motherhood

In my last post, I wrote about my personal experiences about losing myself in motherhood. Today, I would like to give some examples on how you can rediscover your identity too. This worked for me and helped me get back into goth. Here are some serious questions I asked myself and some things I did:

What are YOUR interests?
This was the first question I asked myself. What do I like? What did I like before I had a baby? I made a list. One of the first thing I put on that list was music, reading, writing, art,taking long walks, and video games. I then made a list of my favourite bands. For me, I laughed because I realized that the majority of my favourite bands were from my Goth days! Which leads to...

Find time to pursue these interests
I also realized that I have not made much time to pursue my personal interests and made it a point to find some time each day for this.  I know it can be hard, especially when you are busy, or in my case, sleep deprived from having a baby but I managed. Even if it meant 15 minutes a day! One of the things I did, whenever we had nice weather, I would put my son in a stroller, put on my headphones and go for a long walk. My little one enjoyed all the new sights (and often fell asleep in his stroller) and I got to listen to my music! I would sometimes walk to the local mall and meet a friend at Starbucks for coffee. It got me out of the house, I was able to have an adult conversation with someone (who doesn't have kids so it was nice to talk about other things) AND I got coffee AND  I got to listen to Bauhaus too! Win! Win!

An old pic of us at the cemetery. Posted with the bat's permission, of course!


Time away
One of the best things I could ever do for myself is leave my kid with my husband so I can go out. Sometimes this means doing groceries in peace, sometimes it means seeing a friend, or going swimming alone or going to a club. Having a kid around me constantly takes a lot of energy. It is nice to be by myself, alone in my thoughts without someone interrupting me 50000 times! I felt guilty at first but when I realized how much better I was when I came back from these excursions, the guilt went away.


What can I do now to make me happier?
Sometimes, it is something simple like changing hair color. Sometimes you may want to make a career change. I noticed for myself personally, I am a people pleaser. I am very concerned over the wellbeing of those closest to me that I sometimes forego my own wellbeing. It is very important to realize in the moment that yes, take that 5 minutes out to put on makeup or do your hair or do something that makes you happy. So I decided, despite not being a morning person, let the husband watch the kid while I did my hair and makeup. Listening to music is easy. I can blare it in my car.


 What are my goals?
Some of them can be losing that pregnancy weight, sometimes it is buying those pair of boots we want. I made some goals for this year, which I have posted over here. Some of them are items I want to purchase, some of them are things I want to do for myself.


How can the world benefit from these goals?
I like to think on a global scale. I don't mean to sound egotistical or anything. I like to give back. For me doing this was expressing myself through writing. I think having some form of a creative outlet is important. For me, blogging helped. I felt like there were many parents who were in my shoes and I felt like it was important at that time to say "hey, you can be goth and have kids too, its ok."

In fact, I came up with the name "Little Corp Goth Girl" because at that time, I toned down a lot more in my work clothes (that ship has sailed since I have been at the same place for several years now) and I have a very young-at-heart personality. Hence the Little Girl in my title. In addition, in real life, I am pretty short so it was a perfect play on words that not only suits my personality, it suited my blogs purpose. Sometimes, I think of changing the name but I got attached to it.

Another thing that some of my blog posts (as well as those around me that I see in real life) motivated people to lose weight. So many people have commented on how great I look now that I have lost weight that I didn't wait to give them advice. I told them what I did, willingly. In fact, a lot of people are apparently inspired by this and it is nice to know that I am encouraging people to eat better and make some positive lifestyle changes for themselves. I never expected these results but it is nice nonetheless to have inspired people and to have received so much positive feedback. Thank you!

1 comment:

  1. Great advice as always. I hope many mommies out there read this and it helps them to find balance in their lives again.

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