Thursday, December 29, 2016

Weight loss update: 20 pounds gone and let's talk about eating disorders, shall we?

Before I begin this post, I would like to remind some readers that I do eat 3 healthy meals a day. I am active and happy. I am NOT underweight. In fact, according to my doctor, I still have some weight to lose before I reach the ideal weight for my age and height. My goal is to find a nice medium that if I should gain some pounds, I would still be in the right range but not enough where I would look like a bag of bones. No, I am not discussing my weight or what range I should be in here.

Some people have shown concern over the fact that I lost a significant amount of weight and are fearful I may have or could potentially develop an eating disorder. While I really do appreciate the concern, I would like to very kindly point out that I am a far cry from having anorexia or bulimia. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I consulted these "pro-ana" (pro-anorexia) websites out of curiosity. I also went on these sites because I allowed some people to get into my head. I am glad I consulted these sites because it allowed me to see the thought process behind the disorders and it was very depressing. I also read about some of these "diets" (a better word would be starvation or torture) these people put themselves through.

I do realize that usually when someone, especially a woman who appears to be really thin or who is  not REALLY overweight but eats healthy and doesn't over indulge on junk, the first assumption is that they have an eating disorder. Unfortunately, in many cases, the assumptions are correct. Judging from these websites, I am sure there is a large amount of women who suffer from this disease and that is truly very sad but I am NOT one of them! I love being me! I could never do something like that to myself. In fact, the main reason why I started eating better was because I wanted to set a better example to my kid and be there for him until I am a little old granny causing havoc in a nursing home! Trust me, the people closest to me would drag me kicking and screaming to a hospital if they were worried about me harming myself!  I don't like to tell people that I am on a diet because in reality, I am simply eating better and making healthier food choices. That means, less restaurants, especially fast food, less junk food, and I have replaced those items with healthier food choices. That means more fruits, vegetables, grains, and more home cooked meals.

I figured most of you are planning your health, fitness and/or weight loss goals for the New Year and I sincerely wish you all the best of luck. I hope my success will be some motivation for you! I have managed to keep off 20 pounds and while I am still losing weight, it is at a much slower pace (0.5 pounds per week instead of the 1or 2 a week, which is perfectly normal) and I am fine with this because I am doing this the HEALTHY way. No fad diets, no purging or starvation for me!

Sorry about the poor quality photos as there is not much light in here but meh... I am in workout clothes! Speaking of workout clothes, those shorts were tight in the beginning but not anymore!  In fact, I need smaller ones! Yippeeee!!!!! So folks, if this chocoholic can do it, so can you!

Taken July 2016
Taken Dec29 2016

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Good-bye Carrie Fisher

"Please stop debating about whether or not I aged well. Unfortunately, it hurts all three of my feelings. My body hasn't aged as well as I have. Blow us."- Carrie Fisher, Twitter

I know we all heard by now that our beloved, Princess Leia died. She is one with The Force now.
I am sure that we all can agree that this year has been filled with death and we all lost one or more of our favourite idols. For me, losing Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Lemmy, Leonard Cohen, my cat Pippin and now Carrie Fisher was difficult.

Some people would find it weird that the death of someone we never met could affect us but it does. Bowie, Lemmy and Cohen will never write another song. We will never see Alan Rickman in a new movie. These are people some of us grew up with and their art not only inspired us, their art remained by our sides during the significant moments of our lives.

Carrie Fisher's passing hit hard. I lost my princess. I remember watching Star Wars when I was younger (although I only really got into the movies much, much later) and I admired her. She was not like the other princesses (ironically enough, she is now a Disney princess!). She was smart, strong, witty, and knew how to defend herself. Some may argue over the whole slave Leia thing but I never looked at it in a negative way. She was a slave, obviously Jabba was a perv who put her in those clothes! It is what she did with those chains that enslaved her that impressed me and made me admire her! Yes, she was saved from her captors but she also risked her life to save the one she loved too.

As an adult, when "The Force Awakens" came out last year, I watched some of her interviews. I recall laughing at her snide remarks and appreciated the truth behind them. I admired her bravery and even felt like her personality melded nicely into Leia. I love how real she was in those interviews and thought how rare that is when it comes to celebrities.

"Tell them that a giant slug captured me and forced me to wear that stupid outfit, and then I killed him because I didn't like it. And then I took it off. Backstage." via the Wall Street Journal

For me personally, Carrie Fisher not only portrayed one of my favourite fictional characters in one of my most beloved fandoms, she was someone I looked up to. She inspired me to be brave and to embrace the person, the woman I am today.  If she had lived a long life, to a ripe old age, perhaps I would have understood. The fact that she still had some more years of life ahead of her to shine some light on us is truly a loss.

May the force be with you

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Sylvie's 2017 wish list

 Before I begin this post, I would like to thank you all for your kind words and comments you made in my previous post and social media. Losing a beloved pet is never easy but your kind words helped ease some of my pain. If I could wish to have my Pippin back and that would actually be possible,  I would but I obviously know that is not realistic, therefore, I am going to concentrate on frivolous things. There is no therapy quite like retail therapy, right? Even if I am just browsing for now.

Just like last year, I decided to compile a list of things I would like to buy for myself throughout the year. I am going to add some things from last year that I did not purchase yet.  Some items, I could have purchased but did not do so (probably due to unforeseen expenses) and clothing items were put on halt when I started to lose weight. I decided to go on a shopping ban and only buy clothing once I lost the weight I wanted to lose.

 (1) Buy a pair of Winklepicker boots. 
This was on my list last year. Unfortunately, I had too many unforeseen expenses to really purchase a pair. This is going to change in the New Year!

Boots from The Gothic Shoe Company

(2) Buy a coffin purse/backpack
I missed out on one this year but I am sure I will be buying one soon.  

Taken from e-bay

(3) More dresses
I love wearing skirts and tops but I wouldn't mind more dresses. It takes less time getting ready. Something practical and work appropriate., kinda like this Hellbunny dress I have seen off of the Kate's clothing website. This would be appropriate with a nice cardigan to keep me warm in a cold office.  I am looking forward to buying some new clothes soon, considering I am losing weight at a nice pace. I actually opened a separate bank account and starting putting some money aside for my shopping spree. If all goes well, my goal is for this summer.

This is where I got the image!!!!

 (4) Get more body mods. I want some new ink, to get my rose tattoo re-touched, and  get my labret re-pierced. This was on my list last year and I did get a tattoo for Mother's Day but ... I want MORE!!!! I have an idea for at least 3 designs. I have a cute rose on my right shoulder that could use more colour too.  Like last year, I also want to get my labret (lip ring)  re-pierced. 

Taken last mother's day. Say hello to my photographer who was captured in the mirror. Haha! 

(5) Last but not least, I want to get a nice bikini.
  I purchased a one piece a couple of summer's ago because I was very self-conscious of my body but now that I am taking better care of myself by eating healthy and exercising, I feel better about the way I look. I want to show off now! This swimsuit, from Killstar would be ideal for me!

This is where I got the image

Like last year, I will update on this blog whenever I purchase something off of my list and I may just add items through out the year.

Disclaimer: Kate's Clothing, The Gothic Shoe Company and Killstar never reached out to me for any collaborations. I really want to purchase from them in the future but obviously wont turn down any offers... Hint, hint!!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Saying good-bye to an old friend and office party outfit

Before I begin this post, I would like to mention some sad news. My beloved friend Pippin passed away on Friday. He was a very old cat and my best friend. It has been very hard for me. In true Pippin fashion, he waited for me to leave to go to my work's Christmas party to pass away and my whole weekend has been in mourning. I am very busy with last minute Christmas shopping - which has been a good distraction for me but I wake up in the middle of the night looking for him. I feel like a huge part of me is missing. In a way, I am happy it happened when it did and do think it could have been that much more difficult if it happened over Christmas. It was hard enough to tell Philip and he is still quite young. Let him have his Christmas.  I wrote about Pippin in this post here if you are interested. 

This year, I attended the office party (last year I was sick) so I decided to tone it up a little. After all, my coworkers are used to me and a lot of them tell me that they love my style! I wouldn't recommend this outfit if you are fairly new to the job. I have been at the same place for 5 years, my coworkers are well aware of my quirks by now!

The shirt was purchased at a local goth store that is no longer in existence. I actually bought it a Cruella's when it was closing up. I thought it would make a good office shirt. I also knew right away that this shirt would look amazing with a corset.

Yes, folks, I wore a corset to a company event and not many people noticed until I pointed it out. I didn't want to go too over the top so I left the stompy boots at home and opted for a nice pair of heels. I am wearing my very versatile skirt that seems to go with everything and my spider web tights. It was nice to let my hair down for a bit.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

A message to some of my readers

I do realize that I have brushed up on this many times but to this day, I am still getting e-mails and messages from readers who thank me for my blog, who thank me for telling them that it is OK to dress how they want despite the fact that they are parents themselves. I am always touched by this. I am no expert on parenting or goth and am always surprised that people actually read this blog.

For myself personally, I use the goth label to describe myself because I love everything about the subculture. It has been part of who I am for most of my life. If you identify with goth for whatever reason (I am not getting into THAT debate here) I don't think being a parent should stop you. It was only until I started this blog that I truly realized that so many of us made motherhood our sole identity and so many of us have given up the goth lifestyle because we became parents.

I learned the hard way that you can be a mom but you can also be yourself too. Being goth or a parent should be an extension of yourself, not your entire identity! You shouldn't have to give up the things you enjoy because you created an offspring. I don't remember exactly how it happened for me. I went normal for brief periods (jobs) but always came back. Usually, I wore color in the first three months and slowly introduced things into my work clothes. If I were to pinpoint exactly when I completely went normal, I would say 2007. I got engaged and wanted so much to be accepted by my husband's family. I was also at a cross roads job wise and wanted something stable. I also desperately wanted a family. I never realized that I fully went normal.

I never really wrote here about what happened when I first got married. I don't want to go into details out of respect for my husband but let's just say that while my family has its dynamics, his side did not comprehend the fact that we married each other. I married Jay, not them. I tried very hard to be part of that family but I don't think they ever fully accepted me and I think they didn't like that  Jay had responsibility to me - not them. Jay and I always put each other first and took this seriously when we married each other. We wanted to build a life together. We wanted them in it but we were not going to do it under their terms. As a result, despite making several attempts (usually it was me trying to convince him to see them) we had to end some pretty toxic relationships. It sucks that it happened but I am glad it happened before we had any kids. We also learned how to set up boundaries with people, something we never really did before and this has served some purpose later in life. I also wrote here about my miscarriage, I wrote about how hard things were in the beginning after Philip was born and to top it all off, I had post partum depression! 

I think part of me went normal was due to the depression. I obviously went through a lot of shit in such a short period of time. I also felt like it was easier for me to be accepted by no longer dressing goth. I wanted to follow the masses because I needed to find a job during the beginning of a recession. I wanted to get along with coworkers. I wanted acceptance from everyone around me. This made me more depressed because I got the acceptance at a cost. You see, people started coming out of the woodwork because "now that you look normal, I want to hang out with you" was the excuse I received so I never let anyone new see me for who I really was. The non-superficial people who did actually took an interest in me and got to know me, often commented that I was a goth or I reminded them of a goth friend they had.

I also noticed that once I began to feel happier and started to actually listen to music again, my choice of music was always goth music. I still listen to some metal and classic rock but my go-to bands are always the ones that are associated with the Goth subculture.

Finally one day, something in me snapped. I said "fuck it" and I went shopping at the local goth stores. I bought black hair dye and I coloured my hair. I felt like I was a teenager again rebelling against my parents! I also felt like me again and despite the very dark clothing, I was happy. Voltaire coined it best "I am a Jedi in Sith clothing" and I think that is the best way to describe myself.

So yes, I will say this a million times over if necessary. I believe that as long as you don't neglect your kids, you shouldn't have to feel like you need to stop doing things or dressing the way you like (unless its dangerous or illegal or there is a strict corporate dress code but even at that, I found ways around it) because you have kids. My son has seen all sorts of people already. He knows all sorts of people and he tells me he likes the goth people the most because they are the most fun to be around with. He already accepts people for their visible differences. Some parents are going to be assholes to you. You may have some issues with the school (I did and I will get to that, stay tuned) but as long as YOU are a GREAT parent who loves your kid(s) the way you look has NOTHING to do with it. Philip already sees that some people can be assholes and is equipped to deal with that sort of thing. In fact, it sets a positive message:My mom is weird and doesn't care! That I can deal with difficult people with grace, class, and get my point across without being aggressive is definitely a valuable life lesson for him.

I guess getting these emails makes me sad because I look back at who I was back then and my heart goes out to these parents. I recall feeling very alone back then and now I want to reach out and say "you are not alone. I was there and if I can get through it, so can you. Parenting is hard enough as it is. You shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself or to stop enjoy doing things you enjoy doing" I don't go out often but I do. I was Sylvie before I became a mom and I should be allowed to be Sylvie too. Being a mom is part of who I am not my whole entire identity!

Friday, December 9, 2016

Hate speech and politics

“You don’t just give up. You don’t just let things happen. You make a stand! You say no! You have the guts to do what’s right, even when everyone else just runs away.” - Doctor Who

I knew the moment Trump was elected that we would be receiving waves of his hate here in Canada. I knew it was only a matter of time where I would be hearing of events happening locally. Everyone seems to think because we live in Canada, have a feminist Prime Minister, and are such a liberal country that we can put our heads in the sand and boast about it. I would like to point out:

A couple of years ago, here in Quebec, we had a leader who tried to enforce ridiculous Language laws, separation from Canada and a Charter of Values in her agenda where government employees would not be allowed to wear any religious headgear or jewellery.. Luckily, she was voted out but I must say, the vote was one out of fear because the majority of my social circle didn't have too much confidence in our new premier.

Before anyone begins to comment that this happened a couple of years ago and this has nothing to do with Trump, I would like to point out the Conservative MP, Kellie Leitch, who recently tried to mirror Quebec's Charter of Values and  to also make Trump's agenda her own. Essentially, part of her agenda would be to screen all immigrants and refugees for "anti Canadian" values. 

The CAQ party leader Francois Legault wants to decrease the the number of immigrants allowed in Quebec and how they should pass a test to be allowed into the Province of Quebec.

Very recently, someone, or a group of individuals posted racist, homophobic flyers with the tag line to "Make Canada Great Again" all over the Mcgill University campus here in Montreal. These flyers also included URLS to white supremacists groups.


Having recently watched WWII documentaries, a lot of things I am hearing in the media today sound eerily familiar to what happened back then. Let's not allow history to repeat itself. These are scary times in deed. It often makes me stop to wonder, what I can do and Lucreita said it best on her blog:

Thank you, Lucretia for your inspiration and not only would I like to regurgitate what you just wrote, I want to write in my own little piece, to step on my own proverbial soap box. Here it is:
I urge you to stand up like Lucretia and say something. This isn't the first time I have written something controversial and I am sure there will be people who disagree with me. I have lost readers before because I stated my opinion and I am fine with that. I got a lot of hate for some of the things I wrote, got labelled a poseur or an elitist and I am still here. I am not afraid. Say what you want, in fact, I am expecting all the "deplorables" to come out. I believe in free speech. Say the venom you want but I will say my part as well: What is happening isn't right and I am not going to sit here and act like hate speech is acceptable.

Also, please don't think because you don't live in the US, this isn't happening on the other side of the fence (or should I write wall?) because it is. We have one world and it takes a whole bunch of people to make a world. Let's forget about borders or countries and unite. We need to add our voice because the people using theirs are not going to stop and are only going to get louder.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The troll is coming to get you!

There are times, being a parent opens a whole new world for me. I have an overactive imagination and while this enables me to play with my kid, it can also get me into trouble.

It all started on Saturday night when my husband went to go play D&D with his friends. Philip and I had some one on one time together. We ordered pizza and breadsticks. We gorged ourselves in front of the TV. I introduced him to Beetlejuice and Howard the Duck. He really liked both films!

I tucked him in and was in the mood to watch something Stephen King related and I decided to watch Cat's Eye. Essentially, similar to Creepshow,the movie is really  a bunch of short stories that are interconnected. Cat's Eye follows a story of a stray cat (who looks very similar to my cat, Merry) that travels across several states in the US to help this little girl who keeps appearing to him and asking for his help..

taken from wikipedia

The little girl, portrayed by a very young Drew Barrymore is being attacked in her sleep by this troll-like creature. She tries telling her parents that the troll resembles The Billy Goats Gruff like in her storybook but they obviously don't believe her. Personally, I think the troll is really cute despite it being evil. He tries to steal the little girl's breath in her sleep and the cat is trying to stop it from happening.

Found off of Pinterest.  This is the troll in the movie

I recommend this movie but I must warn you, if you are sensitive, this is not a movie for you as there are some scenes that are quite disturbing. I like to think that I am the type of person that can handle a lot of really messed up scenes and I caught myself flinching a few times. I remember watching this movie on purpose when I first stopped smoking and it helped me to quit!

The movie ended and I realized that I should get to bed.I always expect Jay to come home late from his gaming sessions so I wasn't going to wait up for him. Like every night, I check in to see Philip. I noticed that Merry is curled up on the edge of his bed. She is more Philip's cat than ours and is very protective of him. Thanks to the cat bonding with Philip, I immediately run to her, began petting her and praising her for protecting my child. I think I woke up my kid but that was ok. He slept with me that night. Cute or not, there is no way a bastard troll-like creature is going to smother my kid in his sleep!


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