Monday, February 29, 2016

Don't press the button!

As a mother, I often concentrate on my son's misbehavior. You know, the little things along the lines of him being cheeky, how he didn't want to participate in class or how he took a full scale meltdown are a few examples that run through my mind. There are many times I seriously wonder if I am doing a good job or failing miserably at this whole parenting thing.

 In a world full of "me culture", I try to show him that there are people around him and to be conscience of them. He might not have to like everyone and not everyone has to like him but to give respect where respect is due. This is one of the important lesson I want him to learn.

Last summer, we were shopping downtown, on Ste-Catherine street. As we were heading towards HMV, we were walking past a bank. Philip ran up to press the large button with the wheelchair symbol on it. We all know this button opens the door automatically so people in a wheelchair can get inside the bank.  I tried to stop him but children are fast. It was too late. What Philip didn't realize was that there was a gentleman standing in front of the door, oblivious to what was going on. The door opened and hit him. It wasn't hard and there obviously wasn't any injury but I apologized for my son nonetheless. I also made Philip apologize directly to the man. While it was very kind of the man to tell me that it was really alright, he is just a little kid, and he should have been paying to where he was standing,  I disagreed. I get his point and really do appreciate the stranger's tolerance towards the incident but I didn't feel right to dismiss it either. I don't know if this lesson sunk in or what but lately, he has been considerate towards those around him. We are still working on the not pushing strange buttons, though.

Considering we both work, my son is enrolled in the morning and after school babysitting program. When my husband went to go pick him up and was waiting for him inside the school foyer, he was shocked to hear from the school principal. Apparently, my son found a Lego character on his way down to meet my husband. Instead of keeping it, he went straight to the office and insisted they hold onto it because "It belongs to another kid and it is a really cool toy. The other kid might want it and come looking for it" The school was so impressed by his empathy and commented that it is rare in a child so young, and apparently, most kids would have just taken it home instead.

This is my secret to parenting!

You could imagine my pride when I came home and I was informed of this. In fact, the next day, the office workers told Philip that no one came to claim the Lego and he may keep it for being so honest.

This week, the kids are off on spring break. It is very busy for me at work so my mom is helping out by watching him. He was at her house today and the weather has been pretty bad. It rained overnight and was still raining this morning. As a result, we woke up to a skating rink outside! Later this morning, my mom's neighbor across the street shoveled and salted her walkway for her. Philip went out to play and was throwing snow all over the walkway. My mom told him not to do that because the nice man across the street helped her and would be upset to see him putting the snow back where he had shoveled. Well, incidentally, the neighbor happened to come outside while Philip was out there. I am not surprised by this considering I always said my mom's street was the perfect neighborhood watch. I swear, the moment I show up, I am not even out of my car and the neighbors are either looking at me through their windows or coming out of their houses to "work on their lawns" but they are really staring at me! Obviously, Philip knows the man across the street because everyone knows everyone else on mom's street! Philip called the neighbor over and thanked the man for taking care of his grandma! The neighbor, who remembers me very well from my youth (my mom still lives in my childhood home) was so impressed that my son of all people had such wonderful manners. Let's just say, I was a pretty rambunctious kid and we didn't get a long very well. The thought of him being taken aback by the offspring of the bratty kid who used to live across the street was polite to him made me very happy. Take that, old man! 

Sometimes, between the chaos, the craziness, the bad behavior and sea of doubt where we question our parenting skills, there is a glimmer of hope. I got this. I am doing something right!

Friday, February 26, 2016

Why I ditched feminism

As posted on Wednesday, the decision to no longer consider myself a feminist did not come easy. It took weeks of research, soul searching and discussion but what helped me make this decision were these facts:

(1) What exactly are we fighting for? We have the right to vote, there are equal opportunities in the workforce out there. I even wrote an article about how a female family member of mine who is a Member of Parliament. Her riding got voted in during our elections here in Canada last fall! As for equal pay, there are instances that sometimes women make less than their male counterparts (hell, I referenced Gillian Anderson on my post about harassment) BUT for the most part, I am uncertain this as common as I was originally led to believe. 
(2) There are too many contradictions. Some say feminism is about being the woman you want to be but then women are being shamed for their personal choices. You are a stay at home mom? Shame on you! You are setting the feminist movement back. Feminism is about equality and I am not seeing much equality going on. Which leads me too...

(3) Around 100,000 to 140000 men are raped in US prisons. That is more than women. More than half of men are victims of domestic abuse in the US and Canada but there are no available shelters or safe houses for them.

(4) Men are objectified but according to many, it is ok because women are apparently more objectified than men! 

(5) In custody cases, most women will almost always win custody of the children even when it is obvious that sometimes the better choice would be the father. Women will be taken seriously if they are raped while men are ridiculed and laughed at. 

(6) A little personal here but my husband has been told at his work on numerous occasions "why doesn't your wife go pick him up at school if he is sick" or when there is a special occasion like the 100th day of kindergarten, my husband couldn't get time off to go. It seems like it is easier for women to be allowed leave to care for their children or be involved with their children's lives.

(7) Men are often ridiculed when they are in reverse stereotypical gender roles. You don't know how many times men are told they are "whipped" because they do their share of domestic chores. No, he doesn't do it because he wants to get laid either. He does it because we both work and I suffer from migraines. He wants to help me. We promised each other when we got married that we would look after each other. We promised each other we would be equal partners. There would be no inequality or one person does one thing or has more authority over the other.

(8) Is there an actual rape culture or is it something that is fabricated? I believe that everyone is entitled to a fair trial. I hear about how women are raped all the time and it is unfortunate but how many are these accusations are true? You tell me not believe everything I read on the Internet but what about my personal experiences? I have personally seen this happen to someone I know. The guy had proof (video footage from a store) that he was somewhere else with some mutual friends of mine  when it happened but he still got community service and has his name tarnished. All this because he did not return the girl's affections. For the record, I am not implying that rape doesn't happen. It does and it shouldn't.

(9) Not all men are bad or rapists. There are some good ones out there. If I keep the frame of mind that men are the scum of the earth, what would I be teaching my son? The very same lessons that were originally taught to me: we are bad or should be ashamed of our gender.  I know the effects this does to a person's wellbeing, why would I do it to someone I love? There are so many empowering messages out there for girls. Be it body image, plus sized models, self-esteem workshops, etc. but what about something similar (aside from just sports) geared towards boys? Should my son be treated any less or any different because he has a penis?

(10) Now, I am done posting about this. I want to thank all those who have commented in my last post - especially the ones that disagreed with me as it was done with respect and without threats of violence. Some of you left, which I expected. I guess some are insulted and that is ok just as it is ok for me to feel insulted whenever I experience something I feel that isn't right.  

You see, the deal breaker for me was when I was threatened by feminists on more than one occassion because I questionned their views and/or disagreed with them.  If this was an isolated incident, I would let it slide and think the person was a nutter but it was not.  I was shamed, harassed,and threatened with rape Again, these happened online and offline by more than one feminist. Some were strangers and some were from someone I was friends with!  Again, give me a valid reason to defend you. Give me facts. Educate me. The moment threats were made was the moment you lost me. You lost all credibility. For those curious, the nature of these threats were along the lines of raping me into submission. Not cool at all!

Wednesday, February 24, 2016

I am no longer a feminist

The first two waves of feminism had great initiative. I am grateful to all those women before us who fought hard for our basic rights. I do acknowledge that in many countries, this is not the case and I do sincerely hope we can change this. I acknowledge that 50% of Afghan girls are forced into marriage by the age of 12. What about those young girls kidnapped by Boko Harem in 2014? Whatever happened to them?  Thanks to my predecessors, I have a right to vote, own property and there is more equality in the workplace. I do not see a need for feminism here but do see a need for women's rights in third world countries. I am also very doubtful this will ever be an issue or an agenda under the third wave feminist banner.

Modern feminism is tainted. Unfortunately, the majority (not all) have become "social justice warriors" trying to protect us from the evil patriarchy. After all, we are disadvantaged and helpless victims. No longer does the feminist banner promote individuality, free-thinking, and most important, equality. If you look up the definition of feminism in the Merriam-Webster dictionary, it is defined as such: "the belief that men and women should have equal rights and opportunities." Unfortunately, the actions of many have not lived up to this example. I do not make decisions or judgements based off of definitions. Actions speak louder than words and it is thanks to these very actions by these extremists that I am dropping the label.

I know there are most probably many women who read this blog that may or may not agree with me and that is fine. At the end of the day, I am ditching a title. That is all. A fucking title.  At the end of the day, I would much rather call myself an egalitarian than associate myself with something that I feel no longer represents me. In fact, I am embarrassed to be considered a feminist and that really saddens me.

It would be the same with the Goth movement. When Columbine or the Dawson shooting happened here in my home city, I was one of the first to call out “the shooters were not goth. Not ALL goth people are like that" I even defended feminism citing the same chant whenever someone would say something negative about it. Give me a reason to defend you and lately, there hasn't been anything positive about feminism! I know I shouldn't let a few bad apples ruin it for me, just like I don't let a handful of jerks within the subculture ruin my experiences. I love men and I just can't associate myself with something where the majority does the opposite. Not all men rape. Not all men are asses. There are many good ones out there. I will not be affiliated with something that promotes misandry even for the sake of propaganda. If the goth scene portrayed such a negative stereotype by the majority of the people in it, I would seriously re-consider using that label as well and I love being goth just as much as I used to love being a feminist.

According to the media and many sources, women are oppressed beings. There is a wage gap and a rape culture. Well, I don't like to believe everything I read and take things at face value and have been doing some fact checking on my own. Things are not always black and white. In fact, I was also fed all this propaganda and made some cringe-worthy blog posts that I now regret. I always said that I was a free thinker and not a sheep but there I was, following the herd!

Unfortunately, it is thanks to these extremists, to the media, and internet that embellishes the truth to sell a story, that have ruined the concept for me. I do not appreciate being duped.  I think it is unfortunate because so many women like me who are turning against feminism thanks to these people promoting hate.

Don't get me wrong. I strongly feel that we still need women's rights in third world countries. I think so many wonderful things could come out of feminism if we would work together, unfortunately, I am not seeing this and it makes me sad.

I would like to conclude, if I have lost friends or readership over this. That is fine. I respect your decision. I am not saying that ALL feminists are extremists just as I would never say that ALL goths go and shoot up schools or are Satanists! That would be absurd! I am just disgusted on what feminism is turning out to be and do not want my name affiliated with that sort of trash. It goes against my own morals and personal values.

I know I am being vague and not really giving straight answers as to why I came to such a conclusion or details as to exactly what led me to this decision. To be honest, I do want to list my reasons why because I feel they are valid reasons.  Stay tuned for Friday's post where I will be doing just that I don't want you to read an overly long post!  For those wondering, no, this blog will not be about feminist bashing or will I be posting about anti-feminist stuff all the time.  I get inspired by things and then move onto other things. I like being diverse in my posts. A little bit of fashion, being silly, being serious, being a mom, a geek, and everything in between. I want to share my enthusiasm or give you a glimpse of my larger than life personality. It would be boring for me to post about one thing all the time!

Do you think feminism is doomed? Do you agree or disagree with modern feminism? I am interested in hearing about YOUR views.

Monday, February 22, 2016

Nice hair and makeup days

With the weather, my hair has been full of annoying static. I wanted to do something with it but was unsure exactly what. These are the days I miss my long hair as I would put it in a nice braid and be on my way! I am not a morning person and this style took me 5 minutes. I was inspired by vintage hairstyles. Luckily for me, I have natural wavy hair and decided to enhance that by using some product. I do not own hairspray or hair gel  as I have dry hair and was surprised this held all day.
The product I used was Garnier Fructis, Curl Sculpt, conditioning cream gel. I even use the cream on my bags. I do use my hair straightener and it holds them in place!

I wanted to show some more fun hair styles I have been doing.

Lastly, this is the product I have been using all winter


Friday, February 19, 2016

On raising an introverted kid

It comes as no surprise to me that my son, Philip takes after us by being an introvert. I have no problems with this and in a way, I am confident that I can help him adapt to living in a very extroverted world. For me personally, I was never really given any guidance on this and as well meaning my parents were, they never fully understood. I don't want Philip going through life like I did.

I would like to offer some of my personal insight to other parents in similar situations and if anyone else has something they might like to add, I encourage you to do so in the comments!

(1) I will not coddle my child. I have read some articles over the web about parents asking their child's teacher to go easy on them when it comes to grading on participating because their kid is quiet, shy, and/or introverted. This pisses me off. My kid is NOT a special snowflake. As much as it may suck at times, in modern society, we live in an extroverted world. I prefer to voice my concerns with my son's teacher and ask how I could work with her on this. It is also very important to communicate your expectations with your kid on what is going on in the classroom. I very recently told Philip " Look, I know it sucks, I know you don't always want to participate but you must. It is not easy but I am here to help" We role play scenarios and I boost his confidence. At the end of the day, it is a grade in elementary school, I honestly doubt this will have any effect on his college application later on! Why stress? Which leads too...

(2) Do not go too hard. Just as mentioned above. I will not force my kid to do anything he maybe uncomfortable with. I know it sounds contradictory but there is a big difference to telling your kid he has to participate in group projects in class vs signing him up for the school play. At the playground, I don't force friendships. I will let him play on his own and sometimes, he plays with another kid.  I try to keep a healthy balance. My kid is always going to be an introvert (unless it is just a phase) so why would I try to change him into something he is not? 

(3) Allow him to have some down time. Introverts need time to decompress. While extroverts tend to feel recharged after being around other people, it takes a lot of energy on the introverts. When he comes homes after school, we have quiet time where he is permitted to watch some TV or he can play quietly in his room. If he wants to interact with us, he obviously can but if he wants to be by himself, we let him! I don't take it personal. Also, there are days, he is going to be tired and overwhelmed. Especially in the first few weeks of kindergarten and especially on a Friday night (though it happens during the week but its more common to happen on a Friday for me) where he would have a full scale meltdown. It would be something trivial too. I would tell him to brush his teeth or something and all of a sudden, he is screaming at me. I punish him and then he starts to cry. These are real tears too, not crocodile ones either. He then tells me all about the little things that bothered him that he had pent up. Some of them are quite trivial but I try very hard to just listen to him vent. These are very real issues to him. Sometimes I give advice but most of the time, I listen. I think he wants comfort more than anything. This is why down time to decompress is very important! He needs to work things out in his mind.

(4) Your child may not have a lot of friends and that is OK. The school may bring this to your attention and that is fine. I am not a professional therapist but I dont think you need to have tons of friends to be considered successful or "normal". I disagree with society and often think that sometimes, less is more. Us introverts prefer small groups and may not always be interested in being popular.

(5) In new situations, I let Philip evaluate his settings on his own. I don't force him to dive in. He sits next to me and when he is ready, he will engage with other people. We need time to evaluate our surroundings and access the situation.

(6) Philip struggles with this but I emphasize the importance of him sticking up for himself. I encourage him to say words such as "stop" and "no"  in a loud voice to his perpetrator. It is important for him to know that his voice needs to be heard.

(7) Your child may internalize problems. I try very hard to not make it sound like an interrogation and unfortunately sometimes fail! I try to ask him questions and mirror his responses in order to get him to talk about his issues.I notice that many people who are introverted do not open up easily.

(8) I think introverts make great listeners and it comes as no surprise my child is often rewarded at his school for listening and being attentive. I often feel like he prefers to observe than to engage. I try to find things to spark his creativity and imagination. He lives a lot inside his head.

(9) Your kid may not like to make small talk. For myself, my husband, Philip, and my other introverted friends, I noticed that we tend to prefer deep, profound conversations then idle chit-chat.

(10) Your child may have a very deep understanding of the world and maybe very empathic towards others. Embrace this but make sure they know boundaries. I try to slowly teach him that it is ok to care about other people but to be careful to not be taken advantage of either.

At the end of the day, I try teaching Philip that he doesn't need to be social 24/7 but there are times, such as in school, he needs to step up a little. I wish I could put him in a big bubble where he would not have to deal with this but unfortunately, I can't. The best I could ever do is try to give him the right tools in order for him to have a very successful life later on. I like to think I am doing a good job so far!

Wednesday, February 17, 2016

A non traditional birthday

Alright, Darklings. It's my birthday today! I got bombarded with lovely messages on Facebook and I feel so loved! Thank you for the well wishes! My little one gave me plenty of hugs and kisses today which made it extra special.

There is something to celebrate this year. It is a huge milestone for me. It has been the first birthday in over 6 years that I have not been sick! Every year, I had an ailment. Be it the flu to strep to bronchitis, you name it, I had it every time my birthday rolled around, I got sick! In fact, one year, my husband made me duck. He cooked up a storm for me and when I came home, I was feeling off. I took one bite of the duck and vomited. The poor guy! It wasn't his fault. I caught the flu!It was not his cooking  I have not had duck since. Just the thought of it makes me nauseous to this day.

 Due to the recent changes in barometric pressure, the only thing that happened to me today was I woke up with a migraine. My meds cured it and I spent the day a little tired. It is very hilarious that a migraine is a lesser of two evils for me!

Passed out on the couch, Birthday style! I think I had strep

What made my day extra special (aside from not being sick) was that my boss gave me an executive lunch hour. If you read my previous post, you would know that it was Philip's 100th day of kindergarten where we worked on a special project together. As a treat, the parents were invited to go in the school gym. The children performed a cute song and got to show us what they made. Philip was very eager to show off his googly eyed monster and shook the board to make the eyes move! I love how he is coming out of his shell and was able to talk (in french, no less) in front of strangers. In the past, he would have had difficulty doing so. This made my birthday!

Supper tonight was easy to prepare and it wasn't duck! I also made my own cake. I do realize it sounds funny but I love to bake and I made my special Baileys Irish Cream chocolate cake. Seriously, chocolate and liquor, what more could you ask for?

Hahah! He put his shoes on the wrong feet.

Monday, February 15, 2016

The 100th Day Of School

On  this coming Wednesday (incidentally, my birthday) will mark Philip's 100th day of Kindergarten. This does not include ped days, weekends, or Holidays but all the days the children have physically been in school since they started.

All the children in Kindergarten are expected to do a special project to commemorate this event. This is to be worked on at home with their parents. The theme of the project is 100 and they requested to not bring in 100 pennies (we don't have those anymore here in Canada, anyways) because it is too heavy for them. Anything that is easily transported and if we use a Bristol board, to cut it in half. I guess some parents went overboard in the past.

On Wednesday, the children will take 100 steps (counting out loud as they go) that will lead them by the front entrance, which is right next to the school gym where all their projects will be displayed. The nice thing is, us parents are invited to come take a look at them!

Originally, we were going to do a Scooby Doo theme since he is still obsessed with the show but he changed his mind. He wanted a school theme instead so we went on Pinterest and found some great ideas.

Philip chose this on his own. I did not prompt him in any shape, way or form. I swear. Now you can see why I am so darned proud. Baby Bat for the win!

The project itself is easy and fun to do. Considering he is in a bilingual school, meaning, the school board itself is English but all his classes are in French, we thought it would be appropriate to write "The 100th Day Of School" in French. The monster is also holding a French book. Philip drew a "bat boy" on the cover and decorated with some zombie hands because he thought it would look cool!

He requested the bat! I am so proud. This was HIS idea!

Bat Boy!
Zombie hand!

I noticed a huge improvement with his writing. The letters are smaller. There is another zombie hand underneath. I like it because it looks like it is flipping people off!

My mom does a lot of crafts and had tons of those googly eyes and she offered them to us. We went to go get them Saturday since we were near her place. I was taking Philip to get his hair cut and the children's hairdresser is in her part of town. The kid is only 5 and already rebelling. He wanted a "smart cut" whatever the hell that means and no more "morehawks" as he calls them. He also made it very clear that he wanted it cut as he just "couldn't deal with it anymore!"

My mom can be a delight but sometimes I feel like I have two kids to look after whenever I am with her! She means well but by the end of the afternoon, I was exhausted from all her old lady energy and wanted to go home. It came as no surprise that I didn't notice the bottle of glue she gave us to go with those eyeballs. In fact, I forgot the eyes and the glue in my car overnight and the temperature plummeted well below 30c (-22 Fahrenheit) and by the time I remembered on Sunday morning, the glue had frozen solid! I also had Valentine cards and chocolates hidden in the trunk which I also kept out overnight night and they also froze. As for the cards, my husband, Jay was understanding. I guess he learned to expect these sort of things from me over the years. I bet my goofiness keeps our relationship interesting. He never knows what to expect. In fact, several years ago, on Valentines Day he was really happy with my generous gift I got him. I think it was an expensive video game or something. I caved and told him how bad I felt because I originally bought him a box of chocolate but the temptation got the better of me. I ate the whole box! He still laughs at me over it. Philip and I love chocolate and we can never keep it in the house, hence why the chocolate remained in my car, overnight. They were for Philip. The card was somewhat ruined but the chocolates were still good! For those wondering, the glue thawed out and we were still able to use it.

It's the thought that counts, right?

Now, back to the project. We counted 100 eyeballs and glued them on. I got pissed off at my cat Merry who kept on trying to walk all over the Bristol board! What is it with cats? The smart idea would have been to work on the kitchen table but we were more comfortable on the living room floor! By the end of it, our fingers were stuck together! It was a good thing it wasn't crazy glue!

I was grateful for this project as it gave me time to bond with Philip. I also realized how anal I can be and had to mentally remind myself that it was HIS project. Let him do it the way he wants! We did not do it all in one afternoon so it was nice to spend some time with him all week working together on something. He is growing up too darned fast!

Look, Ma. No hands!

Sunday, February 14, 2016

5th Annual Vampire's Day Soirée

"In the beginning there was only Caine
Caine who sacrificed his brother out of love
Caine who was cast out
Caine who was cursed forever with immortality
Caine who was cursed with the lust for blood,
It is Caine from whom we all come,
Our Sire's Sire."
- The Book Of Nod

Last year, I participated in Holly's Vampire Soirée and I am participating again this year! Last year,  I wrote about an animé I watched called Vampire Knight. This year, I figured I would geek out even more by writing about the Book Of Nod.

Image source

Essentially, The Book Of Nod was created as a back story or as setting material for the role playing game Vampire, The Masquerade. To be honest, I never really took an interest in the game with the exception of a very brief time that I participated. I was very young and I was in hopes of finding a cute little goth boy to bite my neck! I wasn't so fortunate but I got to experience my first and last real gaming session. For those curious, I played a Toreador, haha! To be honest, role playing games are not for me although I find the concept really cool. 

lilith's magick

I remember a friend lending me his copy of The Book Of Nod and I was enthralled with it. I read it like it was a piece of fiction and not as an actual guideline for the game!

Image source

It is about where all Vampires began (within the Whitewolf gaming system's point of view, that is) and the story captivated me. The artwork in this book was simply breathtaking and I remember carrying it around every where. The writing is absolutely brilliant and very poetic too.

Image source

Friday, February 12, 2016

12 albums that have stayed with me forever

My buddy Appy from his blog, Appy talk posted a list of albums that stayed with him forever. Apparently this is going around Facebook and now we have started here on the Blogsphere! Look at what Appy and I have done!  I decided to tag myself and participate. Why don't you join in on the fun too? Without further adieu, here is my list. I am trying to go in chronological order from the time I was a kid to now because I am OCD that way but you don't need to list them in any particular order.

(1) The Phantom Of The Opera - I know, not technically an album. I'm cheating! Oh no! From the time I was a little kid, this is my favourite musical and would spend countless Saturday afternoons listening to the musical on CD with my dad.

(2) Metallica, The Black Album. The first dance at my wedding was "Nothing Else Matters" and this was my introduction to metal.

(3) Pink Floyd, The Wall - Seriously, the song "Another Brick In The Wall, Part II" was played on the last day of school every summer! I would spend entire afternoons listening to this album as it tells a story.

(4) Smashing Pumpkins, Mellon Collie and The Infinite Sadness. This album came out when I was 15, not long before I became a baby bat. I am not implying this bandis considered goth but I really like the songs, they have a lot of meaning to me. I still listen to this album today. I remember when I was a teenager, the Cds would stay in my player. For about two months, this is all I listened to.

(5) Marilyn Manson, Anti Christ Superstar. Again, yes, I know, it is not goth but this was my gateway drug to the subculture like most teenagers of the 90s.

(6) The Sex Pistols, Never Mind The Bollocks, beecause its the fucking Sex Pistols come on, Anarchy in the UK, classic!!

(7) Gothic Rock compilation CD.

(8) Music For Vampires, A Delicate Dependency

(9) Skinny Puppy, Vivisectvi

(10) The Sisters Of Mercy, Floodland

(11) The Best Of Bauhaus, because we all know some body is dead, undead!!

(12) Rammstein, Sehnsucht because this was the last birthday gift my father ever bought me. He passed away several months later.

P.S. Coming soon to a blog post near you!!!!!! Stay tuned for a special post on Sunday (Valentine's Day) as I am participating in Holly's Vampire Soirée!

Wednesday, February 10, 2016

Why I have a fan-girl crush on Voltaire

I remember hearing about Voltaire in the mid 2000s when he came to my home city but I wasn't able to go to the show.

Fast forward to a couple of years later, back in 2011, I slowly started to come back to the subculture and to come out of my depression. I had pretty much stopped listening to music (with some occasional exceptions) during my normal phase and all of a sudden, I started playing my favourite bands all the time! For those curious, they are The Sisters Of Mercy, Siouxsie & The Banshees, Joy Division, Skinny Puppy and The Cure. I started to feel alive again. I also started to admire goth clothing but held the belief that I had to grow up and needed to wear grown up clothes. I was a mommy after all! Then all of a sudden, I found Voltaire.

I would watch his Youtube videos and swoon over the sexy goth man. As an added bonus, I discovered he was a fellow geek and shared my love for Star Wars! Seriously, geekery gets me every damned time. I think one of the reasons why I first fell for my husband was that he shared my love for anime and videogames!  I always loved the wise cracks and jokes he would make in his Youtube videos.
Image source: Voltaire's Facebook page
I started listening to his music and the more I started listening to it, the more I realized that I was diluted. In many ways, I think my husband is grateful to the man because he helped me find myself again. My husband got his wife back since the only defining characteristic I had at that time was being a mom. I was super depressed and stopped caring about things that used to mean a lot to me (anime, videogames, goth, music, art, etc) and I only really bothered with my son. The only few times I smiled (aside from laughing at Voltaire's jokes) was because my son did something to make me happy. Nothing else really made me happy and there were many times I worried that my happiness would be snatched away from me. I think being able to laugh and smile at other things besides my kid originally helped me re-evaluate my stance on life. Aside from music preferences, my personality, Voltaire was the last piece of the puzzle towards my coming back to the subculture. He sort of made me smack myself awake and realize what I was doing. If this dude could still be goth and a dad at his age, why can't I do the same?

Taken 2010 - ignore the red eyes from the flash. In my pajamas,  and the few times I smiled...oh... and let's never speak of this again!

So yes, I blush whenever his name is mentioned and act annoyingly daft like some silly love strucked teenaged girl. I remember when he e-mailed with a question about the Candy Claws order I made and I got super giggly because he e-mailed me personally! On the other hand, I also look up to the guy. He inspires me to be creative and to push those creative boundaries. Whenever I have a really bad day or I feel real shitty about something, his album, Bitrektual is the first album I go to. I must have listened to Cantina and Expendable at least a million times and I still laugh whenever I hear it today!

Do you have a celebrity crush?

Monday, February 8, 2016

My cat likes my pants

It was quite cold today and I opted to wear pants. I rarely wear pants or jeans because I am more of a skirt and dresses sort of girl. Thanks to having large thighs, I find shopping for pants or jeans to be a harrowing experience that I much rather avoid. I came across these cargo pants last summer and I regret not buying another pair. I can wear them to work and they are perfect for tucking into your boots! It was a casual all black day for me. In this kind of cold and being pressed for time, it is hard to come up with a nice outfit. I originally had my leopard print hoodie on too but it is warm in my apartment, not so much at work!

I am calling my cat, Merry to come over


Merry doesn't like to be picked up but she is so cute!

Trying to escape my evil clutches

For the record, I put her down after she tried jumping. I am not very tall but I was afraid of her getting hurt. She is such a tiny cat.

Friday, February 5, 2016

Caffeine deprived, workplace paranoia and a frumpy disposition

I often exclaim that I am not a morning person. This morning was no exception. I had to get ready in a rush and decided to wear my wrap/poncho thingy at the last minute. In a way, I am glad I did, otherwise, I would be cold in just my little t-shirt! On the other hand, I think a sweater or something else would have been a better choice. I look a little frumpy and this is a good lesson for me because I didn't really look at myself in the mirror before leaving the house! I often like to showcase my better outfits here and I thought it would be fun to show off my not so great outfit choice today!

 I got paranoid too because I felt like the tights were not acceptable for the office. I am pretty sure I would have been reprimanded at some of my last jobs for wearing them. Surprisingly enough, I was showered with compliments! It is funny how we sometimes think something isn't workplace friendly and it really is! Looking back at these photos, I regret not removing the wrap/poncho thingy for this post because I looked much better in the top I was wearing underneath! Oh well, too late now. My makeup is washed off and I am in my pajamas. It has been a long week and I am done with it!Time to relax!

My husband actually snapped a photo of me scratching my nose and I started to laugh. He said "better your nose then your butt!"

Soooo tired. zzzzzz!

Wednesday, February 3, 2016

The living room project or how I kicked Mr. Fugly couch to the curb!

Considering we decided to renew our lease for another year, we wanted to make our home more "homey." We decided to change a few things around, mainly getting rid of this awful couch that has been pissing me off since we first moved in! The previous tenants left it here and it is a hide-a-bed. I don't remember exactly why we kept but it was probably under the context of "hey, cool a free couch!" The couch itself if an ugly puke brown color with some weird flower motif going on. It reminds me of a really bad acid trip! I used to put a blanket over it thinking I could hide some of it's ugliness but it would easily fall off. That couch was an eyesore and was never comfortable to sit on. The cushions would slide off and you would risk getting sodomized by a spring!  The only good use we had for it was when it became a scratching post for our cats! I guess my constant bitching paid off because we finally got rid of it last weekend! Remember folks, a happy wife is a happy life!
When we first moved here, Philip was going on three years old. This being an old building, our living room doubles as a dining area, except our kitchen is large enough to fit our table. We decided to use the dining area as a playroom for Philip. This caused many problems. The neighbors downstairs complained about noise and my living room always looked messy. It was so annoying coming home to seeing toys scattered about.  Even with the toys put away, it still looked messy. To make matters worse, the first thing I would see whenever I would come in and walk through my front door was that ugly couch

It was really heavy to move but both Jay and I managed to kick it to the curb! To be honest, I didn't care how heavy it was. I was determined to get rid of it and I was going to do it myself if I had to!

Preparing to move Mr. Fugly couch.

Now that Philip is much older, we decided to give him the spare room (which was supposed to be our office) as a play area. My apartment is on two floors and the spare room is actually on top of our kitchen. He can make as much noise as he wants and he won't be disturbing the people downstairs. A while ago, we had a TV put in there with a child sized table and chair we acquired from Ikea so he could watch TV in there in the mornings while we got ready for work. This way, the neighbors, who don't work, wouldn't have to deal with his noise so early in the morning. Besides, we stay on the upper landing in the mornings getting ready during the weekday. It made sense to keep him upstairs where we can see him! Not long after we made this arrangement, the complaints stopped. I know some of you might think "but children have to play" and to a certain extent, I agree. I also lived in an apartment complex where the parents used to let their kids play in the hallway at 7:30am on weekends. They played ball and the flute, it was not fun when you are in your early twenties and nursing a hangover! Especially when sounds echo in apartment buildings! I always vowed I wouldn't be an asshole parent like that. Don't get me wrong, some of the neighbors complaints were uncalled for but I was able to sympathize with the early morning noises. Also, as a parent, I know how hard it is to keep an over active toddler quiet who wants to run and play. Sometimes you cant simply go outdoors to let the kid run off some steam because you have things that need to get done indoors.

Today, I am happy to have a neat and tidy apartment whenever I come home.  The bookshelves that were in the play room came downstairs. Philip still brings toys in the living room and he can watch his shows with us but his toys go back upstairs at the end of the day.

These are my husband's beloved D&D books. Mr. Fugly couch in the background

Look how much space we now have!
Philip all excited. He found some lost toys hidden in between the cushions!

I had to include this because he is cute in his Batman PJs.
Taken from my window. Mr. Fugly couch was kicked to the curb

I found my Bat pen! It was in between Mr. Fugly couch's cushions. I was happy

It feels good g re-arranging things and making the place more live able. It is nice coming home and seeing a clean place without toys everywhere. As much as Philip would put his toys away, it always looked messy. Now the mess is kept upstairs in one room! It amuses me that I tried to keep Mr. Fugly couch hidden from everyone, even avoided posting pictures on social media with it in the background and here I am doing the opposite!

Monday, February 1, 2016

Wibbly Wobbly Timey Wimey

 *Warning Pic heavy*

My wonderful niece, Lori treated me to an early birthday gift. Not only did she invite me to go to the Doctor Who concert with her, she also treated me to Chinese food! I was quite the happy girl on Saturday! 

The concert was really an orchestra which was played by OVMF - "The Orchestre à Vents De Musiques De Films" and the event took place at the other end of the city. Apparently, the OVMF had a Doctor Who concert last November and they were doing it again on Saturday. I guess it was popular because both of these shows sold out!

 It is very rare that I feel like I belong unless I am at a goth club or at an event like this. After all, on Saturday night, we all joined together by our love for Doctor Who! Some people and children showed up cosplaying characters from the series but there were also some professional cosplayers there too! I always have an admiration for cosplayers and I always try my best to take some time and tell them personally how much I love their costumes! Their hard work and dedication is to be admired. It doesn't matter whether or not they are beginner or advanced. It takes a lot of skill, patience, and a lot of attention to detail to pull off some of these characters.

 I totally flipped out and nearly had a heart attack when I saw a giant Tardis and Dalek.  For those of you who follow my personal Facebook, probably read about and seen photos of my enthusiasm.  I think the term I coined was "nerdgasm" and would like to apologize for the handful of coworkers who got to read that!  Oh well. Some people are passionate about sports, I am crazy about a TV series.

This is what I wore (Lori let me borrow the bow):

We got to sit on the balcony, therefore,we has a good view of most of the musicians and the screen. You see, not only the orchestra playing songs from the series, we got to see clips relating to the episodes on the screen which played in sync with the music. The only downside to our seats, we got to see the chorus' legs and did not see the drummers. Oh well.

The concert began with the Doctor Who theme song and the conductor was using a sonic screwdriver instead of his regular baton. I thought that was pretty neat. Some of the musicians were in cosplay too! The clarinet player who cosplayed as The Doctor demanded that the conductor give back her screwdriver! Another clarinet player was in a bridal gown. We also had a flute player wearing a Dalek dress! Those little touches and getting to hear about the conductor's love for the TV series were extra little touches. It is nice to know that the some of the people performing are just enthusiastic about the show as you are! Pardon the quality. I had to really zoom in to get these photos.

A professional cosplayer. She told me she has been cosplaying for over 10 years. She was such a sweetie. You can see more of her cosplays on her website.

Afterwards, the conductor politely reminded us to switch off our phones and showed us on the screen  the concert rules, much to my amusement.

There was a raffle where you could win a Doctor Who Lego set and a watch.

I got to meet some nice people and discovered one girl traveled to Montreal by bus from Quebec city to see this concert!

It was a wonderful night. I got to watch and listen to an entire orchestra play music to my beloved TV series.  I also got my photo taken next to a Dalek and a Tardis! To those of you who are not familiar with Doctor Who and have no clue what I am referring to, do not fret, I will get back to my usual posts on Wednesday.


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