Thursday, December 29, 2016

Weight loss update: 20 pounds gone and let's talk about eating disorders, shall we?

Before I begin this post, I would like to remind some readers that I do eat 3 healthy meals a day. I am active and happy. I am NOT underweight. In fact, according to my doctor, I still have some weight to lose before I reach the ideal weight for my age and height. My goal is to find a nice medium that if I should gain some pounds, I would still be in the right range but not enough where I would look like a bag of bones. No, I am not discussing my weight or what range I should be in here.

Some people have shown concern over the fact that I lost a significant amount of weight and are fearful I may have or could potentially develop an eating disorder. While I really do appreciate the concern, I would like to very kindly point out that I am a far cry from having anorexia or bulimia. In fact, a couple of weeks ago, I consulted these "pro-ana" (pro-anorexia) websites out of curiosity. I also went on these sites because I allowed some people to get into my head. I am glad I consulted these sites because it allowed me to see the thought process behind the disorders and it was very depressing. I also read about some of these "diets" (a better word would be starvation or torture) these people put themselves through.

I do realize that usually when someone, especially a woman who appears to be really thin or who is  not REALLY overweight but eats healthy and doesn't over indulge on junk, the first assumption is that they have an eating disorder. Unfortunately, in many cases, the assumptions are correct. Judging from these websites, I am sure there is a large amount of women who suffer from this disease and that is truly very sad but I am NOT one of them! I love being me! I could never do something like that to myself. In fact, the main reason why I started eating better was because I wanted to set a better example to my kid and be there for him until I am a little old granny causing havoc in a nursing home! Trust me, the people closest to me would drag me kicking and screaming to a hospital if they were worried about me harming myself!  I don't like to tell people that I am on a diet because in reality, I am simply eating better and making healthier food choices. That means, less restaurants, especially fast food, less junk food, and I have replaced those items with healthier food choices. That means more fruits, vegetables, grains, and more home cooked meals.

I figured most of you are planning your health, fitness and/or weight loss goals for the New Year and I sincerely wish you all the best of luck. I hope my success will be some motivation for you! I have managed to keep off 20 pounds and while I am still losing weight, it is at a much slower pace (0.5 pounds per week instead of the 1or 2 a week, which is perfectly normal) and I am fine with this because I am doing this the HEALTHY way. No fad diets, no purging or starvation for me!

Sorry about the poor quality photos as there is not much light in here but meh... I am in workout clothes! Speaking of workout clothes, those shorts were tight in the beginning but not anymore!  In fact, I need smaller ones! Yippeeee!!!!! So folks, if this chocoholic can do it, so can you!

Taken July 2016
Taken Dec29 2016

Wednesday, December 28, 2016

Good-bye Carrie Fisher

"Please stop debating about whether or not I aged well. Unfortunately, it hurts all three of my feelings. My body hasn't aged as well as I have. Blow us."- Carrie Fisher, Twitter

I know we all heard by now that our beloved, Princess Leia died. She is one with The Force now.
I am sure that we all can agree that this year has been filled with death and we all lost one or more of our favourite idols. For me, losing Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Lemmy, Leonard Cohen, my cat Pippin and now Carrie Fisher was difficult.

Some people would find it weird that the death of someone we never met could affect us but it does. Bowie, Lemmy and Cohen will never write another song. We will never see Alan Rickman in a new movie. These are people some of us grew up with and their art not only inspired us, their art remained by our sides during the significant moments of our lives.

Carrie Fisher's passing hit hard. I lost my princess. I remember watching Star Wars when I was younger (although I only really got into the movies much, much later) and I admired her. She was not like the other princesses (ironically enough, she is now a Disney princess!). She was smart, strong, witty, and knew how to defend herself. Some may argue over the whole slave Leia thing but I never looked at it in a negative way. She was a slave, obviously Jabba was a perv who put her in those clothes! It is what she did with those chains that enslaved her that impressed me and made me admire her! Yes, she was saved from her captors but she also risked her life to save the one she loved too.

As an adult, when "The Force Awakens" came out last year, I watched some of her interviews. I recall laughing at her snide remarks and appreciated the truth behind them. I admired her bravery and even felt like her personality melded nicely into Leia. I love how real she was in those interviews and thought how rare that is when it comes to celebrities.

"Tell them that a giant slug captured me and forced me to wear that stupid outfit, and then I killed him because I didn't like it. And then I took it off. Backstage." via the Wall Street Journal

For me personally, Carrie Fisher not only portrayed one of my favourite fictional characters in one of my most beloved fandoms, she was someone I looked up to. She inspired me to be brave and to embrace the person, the woman I am today.  If she had lived a long life, to a ripe old age, perhaps I would have understood. The fact that she still had some more years of life ahead of her to shine some light on us is truly a loss.

May the force be with you

Tuesday, December 20, 2016

Sylvie's 2017 wish list

 Before I begin this post, I would like to thank you all for your kind words and comments you made in my previous post and social media. Losing a beloved pet is never easy but your kind words helped ease some of my pain. If I could wish to have my Pippin back and that would actually be possible,  I would but I obviously know that is not realistic, therefore, I am going to concentrate on frivolous things. There is no therapy quite like retail therapy, right? Even if I am just browsing for now.

Just like last year, I decided to compile a list of things I would like to buy for myself throughout the year. I am going to add some things from last year that I did not purchase yet.  Some items, I could have purchased but did not do so (probably due to unforeseen expenses) and clothing items were put on halt when I started to lose weight. I decided to go on a shopping ban and only buy clothing once I lost the weight I wanted to lose.

 (1) Buy a pair of Winklepicker boots. 
This was on my list last year. Unfortunately, I had too many unforeseen expenses to really purchase a pair. This is going to change in the New Year!

Boots from The Gothic Shoe Company

(2) Buy a coffin purse/backpack
I missed out on one this year but I am sure I will be buying one soon.  

Taken from e-bay

(3) More dresses
I love wearing skirts and tops but I wouldn't mind more dresses. It takes less time getting ready. Something practical and work appropriate., kinda like this Hellbunny dress I have seen off of the Kate's clothing website. This would be appropriate with a nice cardigan to keep me warm in a cold office.  I am looking forward to buying some new clothes soon, considering I am losing weight at a nice pace. I actually opened a separate bank account and starting putting some money aside for my shopping spree. If all goes well, my goal is for this summer.

This is where I got the image!!!!

 (4) Get more body mods. I want some new ink, to get my rose tattoo re-touched, and  get my labret re-pierced. This was on my list last year and I did get a tattoo for Mother's Day but ... I want MORE!!!! I have an idea for at least 3 designs. I have a cute rose on my right shoulder that could use more colour too.  Like last year, I also want to get my labret (lip ring)  re-pierced. 

Taken last mother's day. Say hello to my photographer who was captured in the mirror. Haha! 

(5) Last but not least, I want to get a nice bikini.
  I purchased a one piece a couple of summer's ago because I was very self-conscious of my body but now that I am taking better care of myself by eating healthy and exercising, I feel better about the way I look. I want to show off now! This swimsuit, from Killstar would be ideal for me!

This is where I got the image

Like last year, I will update on this blog whenever I purchase something off of my list and I may just add items through out the year.

Disclaimer: Kate's Clothing, The Gothic Shoe Company and Killstar never reached out to me for any collaborations. I really want to purchase from them in the future but obviously wont turn down any offers... Hint, hint!!!!

Sunday, December 18, 2016

Saying good-bye to an old friend and office party outfit

Before I begin this post, I would like to mention some sad news. My beloved friend Pippin passed away on Friday. He was a very old cat and my best friend. It has been very hard for me. In true Pippin fashion, he waited for me to leave to go to my work's Christmas party to pass away and my whole weekend has been in mourning. I am very busy with last minute Christmas shopping - which has been a good distraction for me but I wake up in the middle of the night looking for him. I feel like a huge part of me is missing. In a way, I am happy it happened when it did and do think it could have been that much more difficult if it happened over Christmas. It was hard enough to tell Philip and he is still quite young. Let him have his Christmas.  I wrote about Pippin in this post here if you are interested. 

This year, I attended the office party (last year I was sick) so I decided to tone it up a little. After all, my coworkers are used to me and a lot of them tell me that they love my style! I wouldn't recommend this outfit if you are fairly new to the job. I have been at the same place for 5 years, my coworkers are well aware of my quirks by now!

The shirt was purchased at a local goth store that is no longer in existence. I actually bought it a Cruella's when it was closing up. I thought it would make a good office shirt. I also knew right away that this shirt would look amazing with a corset.

Yes, folks, I wore a corset to a company event and not many people noticed until I pointed it out. I didn't want to go too over the top so I left the stompy boots at home and opted for a nice pair of heels. I am wearing my very versatile skirt that seems to go with everything and my spider web tights. It was nice to let my hair down for a bit.

Tuesday, December 13, 2016

A message to some of my readers

I do realize that I have brushed up on this many times but to this day, I am still getting e-mails and messages from readers who thank me for my blog, who thank me for telling them that it is OK to dress how they want despite the fact that they are parents themselves. I am always touched by this. I am no expert on parenting or goth and am always surprised that people actually read this blog.

For myself personally, I use the goth label to describe myself because I love everything about the subculture. It has been part of who I am for most of my life. If you identify with goth for whatever reason (I am not getting into THAT debate here) I don't think being a parent should stop you. It was only until I started this blog that I truly realized that so many of us made motherhood our sole identity and so many of us have given up the goth lifestyle because we became parents.

I learned the hard way that you can be a mom but you can also be yourself too. Being goth or a parent should be an extension of yourself, not your entire identity! You shouldn't have to give up the things you enjoy because you created an offspring. I don't remember exactly how it happened for me. I went normal for brief periods (jobs) but always came back. Usually, I wore color in the first three months and slowly introduced things into my work clothes. If I were to pinpoint exactly when I completely went normal, I would say 2007. I got engaged and wanted so much to be accepted by my husband's family. I was also at a cross roads job wise and wanted something stable. I also desperately wanted a family. I never realized that I fully went normal.

I never really wrote here about what happened when I first got married. I don't want to go into details out of respect for my husband but let's just say that while my family has its dynamics, his side did not comprehend the fact that we married each other. I married Jay, not them. I tried very hard to be part of that family but I don't think they ever fully accepted me and I think they didn't like that  Jay had responsibility to me - not them. Jay and I always put each other first and took this seriously when we married each other. We wanted to build a life together. We wanted them in it but we were not going to do it under their terms. As a result, despite making several attempts (usually it was me trying to convince him to see them) we had to end some pretty toxic relationships. It sucks that it happened but I am glad it happened before we had any kids. We also learned how to set up boundaries with people, something we never really did before and this has served some purpose later in life. I also wrote here about my miscarriage, I wrote about how hard things were in the beginning after Philip was born and to top it all off, I had post partum depression! 

I think part of me went normal was due to the depression. I obviously went through a lot of shit in such a short period of time. I also felt like it was easier for me to be accepted by no longer dressing goth. I wanted to follow the masses because I needed to find a job during the beginning of a recession. I wanted to get along with coworkers. I wanted acceptance from everyone around me. This made me more depressed because I got the acceptance at a cost. You see, people started coming out of the woodwork because "now that you look normal, I want to hang out with you" was the excuse I received so I never let anyone new see me for who I really was. The non-superficial people who did actually took an interest in me and got to know me, often commented that I was a goth or I reminded them of a goth friend they had.

I also noticed that once I began to feel happier and started to actually listen to music again, my choice of music was always goth music. I still listen to some metal and classic rock but my go-to bands are always the ones that are associated with the Goth subculture.

Finally one day, something in me snapped. I said "fuck it" and I went shopping at the local goth stores. I bought black hair dye and I coloured my hair. I felt like I was a teenager again rebelling against my parents! I also felt like me again and despite the very dark clothing, I was happy. Voltaire coined it best "I am a Jedi in Sith clothing" and I think that is the best way to describe myself.

So yes, I will say this a million times over if necessary. I believe that as long as you don't neglect your kids, you shouldn't have to feel like you need to stop doing things or dressing the way you like (unless its dangerous or illegal or there is a strict corporate dress code but even at that, I found ways around it) because you have kids. My son has seen all sorts of people already. He knows all sorts of people and he tells me he likes the goth people the most because they are the most fun to be around with. He already accepts people for their visible differences. Some parents are going to be assholes to you. You may have some issues with the school (I did and I will get to that, stay tuned) but as long as YOU are a GREAT parent who loves your kid(s) the way you look has NOTHING to do with it. Philip already sees that some people can be assholes and is equipped to deal with that sort of thing. In fact, it sets a positive message:My mom is weird and doesn't care! That I can deal with difficult people with grace, class, and get my point across without being aggressive is definitely a valuable life lesson for him.

I guess getting these emails makes me sad because I look back at who I was back then and my heart goes out to these parents. I recall feeling very alone back then and now I want to reach out and say "you are not alone. I was there and if I can get through it, so can you. Parenting is hard enough as it is. You shouldn't have to sacrifice yourself or to stop enjoy doing things you enjoy doing" I don't go out often but I do. I was Sylvie before I became a mom and I should be allowed to be Sylvie too. Being a mom is part of who I am not my whole entire identity!

Friday, December 9, 2016

Hate speech and politics

“You don’t just give up. You don’t just let things happen. You make a stand! You say no! You have the guts to do what’s right, even when everyone else just runs away.” - Doctor Who

I knew the moment Trump was elected that we would be receiving waves of his hate here in Canada. I knew it was only a matter of time where I would be hearing of events happening locally. Everyone seems to think because we live in Canada, have a feminist Prime Minister, and are such a liberal country that we can put our heads in the sand and boast about it. I would like to point out:

A couple of years ago, here in Quebec, we had a leader who tried to enforce ridiculous Language laws, separation from Canada and a Charter of Values in her agenda where government employees would not be allowed to wear any religious headgear or jewellery.. Luckily, she was voted out but I must say, the vote was one out of fear because the majority of my social circle didn't have too much confidence in our new premier.

Before anyone begins to comment that this happened a couple of years ago and this has nothing to do with Trump, I would like to point out the Conservative MP, Kellie Leitch, who recently tried to mirror Quebec's Charter of Values and  to also make Trump's agenda her own. Essentially, part of her agenda would be to screen all immigrants and refugees for "anti Canadian" values. 

The CAQ party leader Francois Legault wants to decrease the the number of immigrants allowed in Quebec and how they should pass a test to be allowed into the Province of Quebec.

Very recently, someone, or a group of individuals posted racist, homophobic flyers with the tag line to "Make Canada Great Again" all over the Mcgill University campus here in Montreal. These flyers also included URLS to white supremacists groups.


Having recently watched WWII documentaries, a lot of things I am hearing in the media today sound eerily familiar to what happened back then. Let's not allow history to repeat itself. These are scary times in deed. It often makes me stop to wonder, what I can do and Lucreita said it best on her blog:

Thank you, Lucretia for your inspiration and not only would I like to regurgitate what you just wrote, I want to write in my own little piece, to step on my own proverbial soap box. Here it is:
I urge you to stand up like Lucretia and say something. This isn't the first time I have written something controversial and I am sure there will be people who disagree with me. I have lost readers before because I stated my opinion and I am fine with that. I got a lot of hate for some of the things I wrote, got labelled a poseur or an elitist and I am still here. I am not afraid. Say what you want, in fact, I am expecting all the "deplorables" to come out. I believe in free speech. Say the venom you want but I will say my part as well: What is happening isn't right and I am not going to sit here and act like hate speech is acceptable.

Also, please don't think because you don't live in the US, this isn't happening on the other side of the fence (or should I write wall?) because it is. We have one world and it takes a whole bunch of people to make a world. Let's forget about borders or countries and unite. We need to add our voice because the people using theirs are not going to stop and are only going to get louder.

Tuesday, December 6, 2016

The troll is coming to get you!

There are times, being a parent opens a whole new world for me. I have an overactive imagination and while this enables me to play with my kid, it can also get me into trouble.

It all started on Saturday night when my husband went to go play D&D with his friends. Philip and I had some one on one time together. We ordered pizza and breadsticks. We gorged ourselves in front of the TV. I introduced him to Beetlejuice and Howard the Duck. He really liked both films!

I tucked him in and was in the mood to watch something Stephen King related and I decided to watch Cat's Eye. Essentially, similar to Creepshow,the movie is really  a bunch of short stories that are interconnected. Cat's Eye follows a story of a stray cat (who looks very similar to my cat, Merry) that travels across several states in the US to help this little girl who keeps appearing to him and asking for his help..

taken from wikipedia

The little girl, portrayed by a very young Drew Barrymore is being attacked in her sleep by this troll-like creature. She tries telling her parents that the troll resembles The Billy Goats Gruff like in her storybook but they obviously don't believe her. Personally, I think the troll is really cute despite it being evil. He tries to steal the little girl's breath in her sleep and the cat is trying to stop it from happening.

Found off of Pinterest.  This is the troll in the movie

I recommend this movie but I must warn you, if you are sensitive, this is not a movie for you as there are some scenes that are quite disturbing. I like to think that I am the type of person that can handle a lot of really messed up scenes and I caught myself flinching a few times. I remember watching this movie on purpose when I first stopped smoking and it helped me to quit!

The movie ended and I realized that I should get to bed.I always expect Jay to come home late from his gaming sessions so I wasn't going to wait up for him. Like every night, I check in to see Philip. I noticed that Merry is curled up on the edge of his bed. She is more Philip's cat than ours and is very protective of him. Thanks to the cat bonding with Philip, I immediately run to her, began petting her and praising her for protecting my child. I think I woke up my kid but that was ok. He slept with me that night. Cute or not, there is no way a bastard troll-like creature is going to smother my kid in his sleep!

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Outfit of the day

My kid and some little girl told me earlier today that I look like a vampire.

Ignore the two-toned hair, I am not colouring it black anymore. I am liking my natural color. It seems darker and redder than it used to be.

I channeled Meagan from over at Coffin Kitsch. She often adds hair clips to her outfits and I was inspired by this idea so I added my bat hair clip to my white "frou-frou" top.

I am still on a shopping ban because I am still working on my weight loss. It is fun pulling out articles of clothing I don't wear often. In fact, this is the ONLY white top I own. I wore it when I was channeling Nancy Downes from The Craft. It is a good thing my kid wears a white shirt as a school uniform. I hate washing only one shirt and now I actually have a load of whites, which is something I would have never imagined having to do a couple of years ago! I had to safety pin my top closed in order to pull off the look I was going for.

My photographer (husband, Jay) added props.

Thursday, November 24, 2016

My adopted bat daughter, Mavis

This is a funny story on how my son, Philip tried to get out of trouble. Our winter season has officially begun here and we have snow and ice. Every child I have spoken to this week expressed how excited they were to play in the snow!  I assume there are patches of ice in the school yard because it was brought to my attention yesterday that Philip was told not once but twice to not play on them. You see, even after he was told not to play on the ice, my rebel of a son decided to go ahead and do it again! Although I spoke to Philip about this behavior, I felt like he was going to rebel and try to do it again ,therefore, before dropping him off at school that morning, I made sure to reiterate the importance of  (a) listening to the monitor (b) not playing on the ice. Secretly, I am happy he is becoming a rebel like myself and my husband but it can be a pain in the ass!

What happened next made me laugh: Philip owns several stuffed bats. One in particular is more of a cartoony bat that I purchased for him around Halloween time. He felt like the bat had more feminine features and decided to call her Mavis after the character from the movie, Hotel Transylvania.

Everyone say hello to Mavis!

He told me the reason why he went on the ice the second time around was because Mavis bit him for getting her into trouble and she flew away before he could retaliate. In fact, she flew back onto the ice. Philip, being afraid for her safety, naturally had to chase after her!

I decided to go on with it. I asked him if this was true. He replied with a sly smile. "oh, yes, Mommy, it's true"

I am very proud of my response "Oh really. Well, first of all, Mavis, we don't bite people. You do it again and you are going for a time out on top of the fridge and second of all, we don't play on the ice. If you do it again, you will be spending the weekend on top of the fridge for a time-out. Do I make myself clear?" I even waved my finger at the bat then proceeded to make it nod in agreement.

I then look at Philip and told him: "she will listen to me because I am a bat mom!" Incidentally, I would like to thank my online friend, Shaena for the term, Bat Mom.

Philip  proceeded to tell me that he is a "bat brother" to Mavis and I agreed but added "you are also the big brother so you should know better. You should be watching out for your little sister!"

That is what you get for lying to me, kid. In fact, I must admit, I am pretty darned impressed that I was able to think up all of this after having one only cup of coffee this morning! Go me!

You know what else impressed me? I am no longer dying my hair. My roots are growing in nicely to this really nice blondish/reddish color. The surprise is that after not only  having a strong willed kid  but also one with a strong character, I don't have any grey hair yet! I thought I would have loads of them by now!

Whatever happened to the age old excuse about the dog eating your homework?

Monday, November 21, 2016

Cause creepy girls do it best

I would like to begin by apologizing for the lack of posts. I have been busy. Going forward, my goal is to try to write something once a week but if I can manage, it will be twice a week. It seems doing three posts a week is not really feasible for the time being because I am having trouble juggling everything going on in my life at the moment.

Another reason for my lack of posting is that I am in the process of no longer colouring my hair black and am letting it grow out.. My dark blonde is growing in fast and I have two-toned hair. I have also stopped cutting my bangs. My hair is also very hard to tame. I don't know if it is the chlorine from the pool (I swim twice a week) but my hair is very big. I tried to tame it but quite frankly, I am tired of wasting my time on it.

I think it is official. I am officially an elder goth. I no longer feel the need to dye my hair black in order to obtain goth cred. I am at the point, I am also done with wasting time on my hair, done with spending money on products that make my hair super oily just to sort of tame it. I just don't give a fuck anymore and I completely lost patience. I have decided that my big hair last summer looked cool and I want to keep it that way.Work seems OK with it so I think I am good.

Last summer

Recent two-toned hair.

I have taken to watching a show called Ink Master. I record each episode and fast forward through all the drama .It also gives me the opportunity to stare at the host, Dave Navarro!

 The show is about a tattoo competition where each contestant is given a challenge to complete and they have a certain amount of time to tattoo their artwork on these human canvases. Yes, people (known as human canvases) actually sign up for free tattoos! Some leave happy, some not so much. For those interested, the show is on Spike.

In this season, I am hoping Kelly Doty wins the competition. I admit, I am biased here. I am pretty sure the girl is goth, she is also super cute and funny. I love her sarcasm and she is super talented. Her tattoo style is new school. I admit I never really liked the style until I have seen her artwork because does creepy people! By glancing at her Facebook page, I noticed she did a Beetlejuice tattoo and an Edgar Allan Poe one!  She lives in Salem and I have seen footage of her hanging out in a cemetery. I would love to be friends with her. We are very similar style wise and personality. I get it, this is all nice and stuff but if you are unfamiliar with the show you must be wondering what does this have to do with my hair? Well you see, another thing I admire about Kelly is her hair. She has cool hair and in fact, I took inspiration from her when it comes to my own mess of hair. Long gone are the days of a clean beautiful coif. I think I have always stressed at taming my hair because I wanted a "professional" appearance. Screw it. It will take less time to get ready in the morning. Thank you, Kelly for the inspiration. I shall call this new style "plug" as I am sure it will often look like I stuck my finger in one. Long gone are the days of trying to tame my unruly hair. Fuck it. I'm done! I have always been a bit of a traditionalist myself. I listened to punk before goth and despite how my style has evolved over the years, I am still a trad goth at heart.

Taken from her Twitter. Isn\t she just adorable?

Sample of her artwork. Taken from her Facebook page

For me personally, getting tattooed isn't just about getting a beautiful piece of artwork on my body but if the person tattooing me is an ass, the experience itself wouldn't be memorable. I don't want to think about the negative experience I had with the tattooer every time I look in the mirror.

This is why I plan on going to Salem in the future (not only to enjoy the scenery) but to get one of her creepy girls tattooed on me! I would love to meet her!

Monday, November 14, 2016

What's in your bag?

I never thought I would in a million years be doing a post like this! I never carry anything interesting in my bag. I usually carry a hairbrush, makeup (lipstick), my wallet, keys, and phone. Not to mention, Philip's toys, grocery lists and old store receipts! In fact, for such a big bag, my receipts and old grocery lists seem to take up space until I throw all that paper in the recycling. Usually by this time, I also take advantage and use a different bag.

We set the clocks back one hour a couple of weeks ago and I welcome the time change! I love coming home from work in the dark but having a little kid is difficult. Philip, as always, has trouble adjusting. One particular morning last week, he didn't want to be separated from his beloved plush he had since he was a baby. He calls him Mr. Monkey.

When you are in a hurry to leave the house, the last thing you want is an argument over a silly toy. Especially when you, yourself is not a morning person and you know your kid is just as tired and cranky as you are! I found a way to compromise because let's be honest here, no amount of coffee would allow me to keep my sanity that morning and I like my sanity very much!

This should give you an indication of how I am in the morning!
 I do not want him to take his favorite toy to school because he will not sleep without it and I was afraid of it being left behind. I am so amazing, really, I was able to think that far ahead first thing in the morning after having only one cup of coffee. Seriously, I should win an award for this!!! I also didn't want him to get into fights with other children because I am pretty certain one kid is going to try to take it away from him. Wow, I was able to consider that first thing in the morning too, no wonder I get migraines! My compromise was that he could bring Monkey with him in the car for the whole whopping 5 minute drive to school but he gives Monkey back to me before he walks in the door. That appeased him because he was able to get his one last cuddle with him before he starts his day. I know perhaps I could have just told him no, dealt with the meltdown in the car but sometimes a parent just needs to pick their battles. This was one of them.  I knew he needed the extra comfort Monkey offers and perhaps I wouldn't have been so lenient if it were a different toy. I am sure if it were a different toy and we told him no, there wouldn't be a meltdown but Monkey is a whole different territory.

I thought the best place to store the Monkey would be in my purse for safe keeping and I got busy with the rest of my day. I completely forgot about the Monkey until I actually had to go in my purse for something. This is when I was reminded of Philip and all these wonderful memories of his babyhood came back to me. Although I do think about him a lot during the day, I realized just how much I miss him when he is not with me. Even when he drives me crazy. I miss him when he is not around and all that annoyances he caused earlier in the day, magically goes away. Seriously, my husband is envious of Philip for this because usually when I get ticked off at Jay, he can hear me bitch about for a good while!

I looked at what time it was. He was finishing his lunch and was most probably playing outside in the schoolyard with his friends. I wonder if he ever stops to think of me and I wondered if he missed me too. 

When I came home from work that day and after returning Mr. Monkey to my little one, I asked him if he missed me around lunch time. His answer made me laugh "Mommy, I am sorry, I didn't miss you at all today. I was busy with my friends" Talk about chopped liver!

This incident allowed me to look back to how I was like when I was younger, even before I met my husband. I used to stash weed, cigarettes (I don't do those first two things anymore by the way) and booze in my purse along with a mini version of the cosmetics counter one would find at a pharmacy. Now, I keep things simple and enough room for toys and sometimes, I get a little reminder of how special my little one is to me. I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. It is amazing how our priorities change as we get older and become responsible!

Friday, November 11, 2016

Goodbye Mr. Cohen

"Poetry is just the evidence of life. If your life is burning well, poetry is just the ash."

2016 is a rough year. First Lemmy, then Bowie and now Leonard Cohen.

Growing up in Montreal, I was exposed to this wonderful man myself at an early age. As a Montrealer, I am proud that he grew up here and has a residence in the Plateau.

Images are from the vigil fans set up outside of his home here in Montreal. All images were taken from:

His beautiful soothing voice sang songs and read poems that would soothe me during times of inner turmoil.

Sometimes, I like to believe that things happen for a reason. Perhaps Cohen's passing yesterday is a way to remind us that despite the recent events that have occurred earlier this week to:

“Ring the bells that still can ring
Forget your perfect offering
There is a crack in everything
That's how the light gets in.” 

Thank you Mr. Cohen from the bottom of my heart. Thank you for the memories and for helping me get through my adolescent years. Thank you for inspiring me to write poetry. I like to think that if it weren't for your words, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

Wednesday, November 9, 2016

Perhaps we can get a new Sisters Of Mercy album out of all this mess?

I will not post any personal political views here but....

You see, last summer, Andrew Eldritch said in an interview:"What is happening in America is an ever more bizarre circus, and the population doesn't seem to realise just how much it's being taken for a ride. I can tell you one thing: If Donald Trump actually does become President, that will be reason enough for me to release another album. I don't think I could keep quiet if that happened."

So Mr. Eldritch, you better start on that album and guaranteed that I will not only buy the digital copy but a physical one as well!

In fact, I plan on holding him to his word. You see,  I even went as far as to create a petition. If you are a Sisters Of Mercy fan, please sign!

This is where I got the image

Monday, November 7, 2016

Some fun old photos

The other night, I was trying to find some old photos of myself to see how I changed over the years. Until the last couple of years, I hated having my photo taken and the few I did actually have, I remember deleting or destroying them because my ex was in the photo with me! I look awkward in some of these and I hated the camera!

Circa 2006

I miss that waterfront. It was right across the street from my old place.
circa 2005. You can't really see but I was wearing a fishnet, PVC top for Lip Service and I think those were PVC pants. I dont have them anymore :(  This is why you should never put PVC in the dryer. I first moved out on my own here. I think that was my first apartment where this photo was taken! I had a lot to learn back then now that my mommy wasn't washing my clothes for me (yeah, I know she spoiled me, shut up!) The cat I am holding unfortunately passed away in 2011. Her name was Riddles and she was the sweetest thing. She even had her own "room" in my top cupboard. She claimed it as her hiding/sleeping spot and would jump on the stove, then the fridge to get inside! 
Circa 2005. I miss that apartment. I think i was trying to cosplay as Witch Hunter Robin. Like always, my cat, Pippin is always at my side. A witch needs her familiar, after all! Boy, do I ever look dorky here! Hahaha!

Friday, November 4, 2016

Weight loss update - 15 pounds lost

Yes, that's right folks! So far, I have lost a total of 15 pounds!

I thought that a little update on how I have been doing with my whole weight loss journey so far.

I swim twice a week at an indoor pool near my house. I can go swimming more often at the Y as they have more available free swim times but I went there once. It was over crowded (tons of kids too) and they played horrible music on the PA system. I refuse to go back. The place I like to go swimming is in a local High School right near my house. The same regular people go there and I have even managed to make friends. Also, it is never over crowded, there's no horrible music being blasted over a shitty PA system and children are not allowed to go. I don't mean to come off as discriminatory but I go work out as a way to get away from my child and besides, there's different swim times for them. They can scream all they want when it's their turn! 

With the cooler temperatures, walking and running outside is not very appealing for me. Especially when I got a cold last week and had to put my exercise on hold. As a result, I purchased an elliptical! I can now work out indoors and not freeze my ass off!

Using an elliptical is pretty intensive and I am building up my stamina! I try to use this puppy for about 5 to 15 minutes a day. It is not much but I am still out of shape and it gives me a pretty hardcore workout!

I guess I am doing something right because I see my body changing every day. My coworkers have even took notice.  My clothes are feeling loose on me. There were a couple of weeks where the scale didn't really drop down as fast as it used to and I have decided to not weight myself so much (ie every day) because it is depressing. Not wanting to let anything get me down or hold me back, I started to focus on how my body is changing and how my clothes fit on me instead of a number on a scale. A couple of years ago, I bought a belt that was too small and it fits! I have an old pair of jeans that I can put on or take off without having to undo the button or zipper! I still am not buying any new clothes as I don't see a point but have opened up a new bank account to put some wardrobe money aside towards a shopping spree in a couple of months! This is also motivating me to stay on track.

Here's to summer bikinis, new clothes, and a healthier lifestyle! Hear, Hear!

 July 2016                                                                            October 2016

Wednesday, November 2, 2016

Halloween 2016

Being a parent on Halloween can be exhausting. Especially when you work and Halloween falls on a weekday. Like every year, my kid wakes me up at the ass crack of dawn and is all excited. It was about 5am where he started asking to wear his costume. I admire his guts because it takes a special person to ask me for anything in the morning, especially when I have not had my coffee yet but I love him and he is a special kind of person so all is good.

My son surprised me this year too. He told me that Halloween was supposed to be scary and he refuses to wear some "boring, cheesy costume."  He chose to be Death. I am a firm believer in letting children choose for themselves and I never tried to influence my opinions on him in any way. When he originally wanted to be a Storm Trooper, I supported him. When he changed his mind, I supported that decision as well. The fact that he chose to be Death and to declare himself to be Goth right after, totally made me beam with pride.

He reminds me of that scene stonehenge from the movie, This Is Spinal Tap!

Trick or treating was fun. There is a lot of kids in my area and we even had fire trucks go up and down the streets (they even had their flashing lights on) for safety. I thought that was cool.

Like every year when Halloween falls on a workday, I play beat the clock. I made arrangements to get out an hour early and am glad I did. We went to Mcdonald's for supper (yuck) as a special treat for Philip and the only part of the meal I enjoyed was my coffee. In fact, the coffee helped me because I had to sit with other parents. They were nice but if ever I want to be reminded on just how much I don't fit in, I just need to sit with people, especially other parents.

 It was a good Halloween, totally worth the horrible fast food and the boring small talk. One day, when he is too old for trick or treating, I am not going to look back at the how tired I was. I will look back at all the good memories I have from when he was my little boy and how we went Trick or Treating together. I hope one day he can have the same fond childhood memories I have whenever I think of my dad taking me Trick or Treating as a kid.

Happy Halloween everyone! Yes, I know it is the first week of November but screw you. Halloween is every day in my books and to those posting Christimas crap on Facebook can go suck it. This goes out to my cousin and niece. Its Halloween week god dammit!

Thursday, October 27, 2016

Halloween movies I like to watch

Halloween is right around the corner and I am pretty excited! I thought it would be fun to share some of the movies that I enjoy to watch this time of year.

(1) The Halloween movies- cliché, I know but I love Mike Myers and despite the unpopularity of the Third Halloween installment, Season Of The Witch, I like that one very much. I understand that most people affiliate the Halloween movies with Michael Myers and he is not featured in the third movie but I think this is an excellent film nonetheless. The jingle for the Halloween masks are super catchy too (I dare you to go on Youtube and watch). A couple of years ago, Rob Zombie remade the first two movies. While I think they are really good and I do appreciate Rob's filmography, I prefer the originals.

This is where I got the image

(2) Friday The 13th movies - I never tire of these movies. I still jump at the end of the first one. Jason is awesome!

This is where I got the image

(3) Hellraiser - I love Pinhead. He has such sights to show me!

This is where I got the image

(4) The Ring - I head about this movie from a Japanese friend before it came out. The idea of watching a videotape and it killing you seven days later, terrified the shit out of me. Apparently, the movie was based off of a Japanese novel called Ringu. I saw both the US and Japanese version and I prefer the Japanese one. Samara still scares the shit out of me!

This is where I got the image

(5) The Hunger - David Bowie, Peter Murphy in the opening scene and Vampires. Need I write more?
Image found on Pinterest

(6) The Howling movies - You know, these movies came out before CG right? I love the use of prosthetics.

Image from

Now for the 'fluffy' Halloween stuff I like:

(7) I have a soft spot for It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. I passed down this tradition to my little one and we look forward to watching it every year.

from my tv!

(8) Another non-horror but it scared me when I was little. The Garfield Halloween Special with the ghost pirates.

Image from

(9 The animated Disney version of Sleepy Hollow. I watched this as a kid and the scene where Ichabod was going over the bridge scared the crap out of me when I was little!

This is where I got the image

(10) Jaws - I know it's not horror or Halloween related but I am terrified of sharks. I don't care where I am. Be it a bath, pool or lake and if you were to scream shark, I would be running out of the water.

image from wikipedia

(11) Bonus - Due to fear of sharks...Deep Blue Sea. Sharks with intelligence. I actually screamed and accidentally punched my ex boyfriend during one of the jump scenes. For those who have seen this movie, you know which one! My mom, who is hard of hearing, heard me scream and she was in our basement while I was in my room on the main floor.

Taken from Wikipedia

*off topic - I have been sick all week. I apologize for my lack of posting as well as for my change in posting schedule . I normally try to post on Mondays, Wednesdays and occasionally on Friday. If I go MIA, it is because I am trying to recuperate. I had plans for this weekend but I had to cancel. I wanted to see VNV Nation last night but didn't go. At least I can watch some of these horror movies I mentioned! Obviously, I will wait until my little one is asleep first. My goal is to be recovered 100% for Monday!*

What are your favourite things to watch this time of year?


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