Wednesday, June 21, 2017

Rediscovering old items

Hello everyone! For those of you who have been following my lifestyle change, I lost a little over 30 pounds since last summer! For those of you who are unaware, last year, I gained a ton of weight. I was unhealthy and after seeing a photo of myself, I decided it was time for a positive change!

I do not believe in fad diets. I do not believe in starving myself to look a certain way. I do believe in eating right and exercise and I have been doing just that.

Despite feeling a little down earlier this month, I decided to focus on the positive so I donated clothes that no longer fit me to goodwill and I started wearing my clothes differently.

One of the things I started doing was tucking my shirt in and I also started wearing tighter fitting clothes. This is something I have not done in years, in fact, before I got pregnant! I now feel confident and beautiful. I noticed that I have my hour glass figure back.

Making this lifestyle change, made me appreciate my body more. I stopped hating it. It is not because I am a lot slimmer than I was before. I thought being thin would make me feel better but it is the exercise and eating healthy that did it for me. Don't get me wrong, I still enjoy junk food! I live in Montreal and know where all the good poutine places are! I do eat burgers too, I just don't eat that stuff every day. I actually look forward to my workouts and I feel better.

 To me, I was always a petite woman and this is the Sylvie I remember;  The healthy little short girl who dangles her feet when she sits down. It is nice to feel more like myself again.

Wednesday, June 14, 2017

The Bog Of Eternal Stench

I recently got a new Pop figure to add to my Labyrinth collection, considering Jareth was lonely. I got Hoggle! I remember the first scene with him in the movie,he was peeing in the fountain and then he started "dusting" faeries! I really do like this character and am so happy to have him as an addition to my collection.

I swear, I have no clue where I am going to put all these damned things!

Monday, June 12, 2017

The Pit In The Pendulum

I have two posts in my drafts folder waiting to be published and I hesitate. I think they suck. I was supposed to go to the Goth picnic this weekend but I didn't. I wanted to go but then I started thinking all these negative things. Most of them were about me.

I didn't want to write about this but I think I must. After all, very recently I wrote about depression. The one thing I kept out is the fact that I am going through this right now. I didn't want to write about it but I think I should because I think some friends not only need a reason why I have been distant but because I feel like I should speak openly about it. I recently wrote that I didn't want to live in a world where everyone pretended to be happy all the time, and well, right now, I could be a little happier!

I feel kinda crummy too because I made plans with some people and didn't follow through. It's hard to get out of bed in the morning (ok, I always have trouble getting out of bed any morning but it is especially hard these days) and I think it is important to talk about depression due to the stigma behind it. This is why I am getting personal here!  It is just hard to find motivation to do anything but I am strong. Seriously, I am not going to let this get to me. Ain't nobody got time for that! I am very productive at work, I manage to keep my house clean, I have been going for long walks at night because despite feeling shitty, I am a fighter. Even if it means sleeping more and taking more breaks. Living in a messy house is only going to make me feel worse. Not exercising or eating crap food is only going to make me feel bad for all that weight gain since recently, I lost a lot of weight and am quite happy with the results. I started this positive lifestyle change by eating healthy and exercise, I am not going to let it slide. Not for this.

There are reasons for why I feel like shit  but I cannot list them here as they don't only involve me, they involve my son. As vague as I can be, I want to take a moment to speak to the parents of school aged children. The ones with kids who may have had some sort of difficulty. I am in that boat. I refuse to go into details and they are probably not serious but I am in the process of getting it all sorted out. It has been a battle and at least I am getting to the bottom of it.

A couple of years ago, a friend on Facebook shared a page that struck a chord with me. This little boy in the US has (I believe autism) and when his mother asked him who he would like to invite to his birthday party, he said no one. He had no friends. His mother created a Facebook page for his family called Colin's friends. The point of the page was for people to leave him positive words. Well, word did get out and people from all over the world "liked" the page.  In the end, people wanted to mail cards and the mom set up a PO box for him. He had no idea this was happening and you can imagine his surprise on his birthday when he received loads upon loads of birthday cards! I even mailed the kid one! I sort of stuck around on the page over the years and I got the privilege to see this young boy grow up (and learn that he is a fellow Whovian no less!) with his younger sister, Ella. 

There is a point to all of this and I am speaking to the parents who are in a similar situation as I am. You see,  his mother wrote something over the weekend that struck a chord with me and since she wrote it so eloquently, I would like you to read it too. I needed to read this. I realized that I wasn't alone and I hope this can offer you the same comfort it has for me:

"Tomorrow is Ella's last full day of school, then she has two half days, and then she's done. This hasn't been a particularly tough school year, but I'm still ready for it to be over. I do remember the years, however, where the countdown to the end of the year felt like life or death. Those years when the kids, and the school, and every adult that dealt with Colin all seemed to be fed up with him, and all I wanted is a day where I didn't have to sit in fear that I'd get a phone call, or an email, or have to go down to the school. I just wanted Colin to learn, and instead we learned just how cruel people can be when they think you are different. To all the parents of kids who are being bullied, or excluded, or are seen as "different", try to relax this summer. You've done a good job this year, being your child's champion, even when it doesn't feel like it. Your kid has the right to an equal education, and a safe place to get that in. Being "different" doesn't negate that. Here's to a peaceful summer to us all."

We have 10 more days until school is out. Not counting the weekend, he has 8 more days and I will be perfectly honest, I can't wait.  The past two months took it's toll on me and while I do not wish to give too many details online, let's just say I am so grateful for an understanding husband and a wonderful, sweet little puppy. She is on my lap right now as I am typing this. I swear, puppies are the best anti depressant in the world! 
To all parents out there in the same shitty situation as I am, I salute you. Hang in there, we are almost done! We can do this! I am sure, like me, there were times you wished you could have done enough or you imagined handling situations differently or what more you could have done, please remember, YOU are enough. I know how hard it is and sometimes we wonder whether or not we did the right thing. The fact that we worry about such things is what makes us GREAT parents. Remember to smile and enjoy your child too because I bet in 10 years from now, we are only going to remember the hugs, joy and laughter.  Those are the things worth fighting for and holding onto.

My antidepressants!


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